This may be a little off-color, so if either of my moms are reading this, I apologize. ;)
I've been making a list of normal, harmless, every-day German words which are so phonically similar to offensive English words that an American could possibly confuse the two. Here are the English spellings of some of my favorites. Click the word to get it in German.
Douche
Dick
Guilt
Fart
Cunts
Hell
Gross
I was on the receiving end of "douche" and "dick" before I knew German. Ute came to visit Saskia at Virginia Tech, and on seeing how skinny I was, said "Oh! You are not very dick". Back at my apartment, I was surprised when she said "Please. Do you have a douche?"
It goes both ways though. The German for "hot" is "heiß" (the ß is a double "s", a bit like a snake's hiss). In English you can say "I am hot" when the temperature is high, but if you say "Ich bin heiß" to a German, you are saying you are horny. Also, the German for "humid" or "muggy" is "schwül" (notice the umlaut!), but the German for "homosexual" is "schwul". Hilarity ensues.
Once, one of my classmates once tried to say "It is hot and muggy" and accidentally said "I am horny and gay". Good times.
Under no circumstances should you tell a German to "flick it".
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Monday, June 25, 2007
Birthday Party, Chuck Close, Pirates 3, Migraine
Last weekend was a mixed bag. It started off great with a birthday party for Paul, the father of Saskia's "host family" in the Neatherlands. Paul and his partner Suzi are very dynamic, very intelligent people who live in a beautiful old farm house they've been rebuilding for the past few years. Susi is a brain surgeon and Paul owns his own software company. They have an excellent appreciation for music and art, and their house is full of beautiful things and two charming children. The party was awesome! Saskia destroyed me in Fussball and billiards, but I had a great time.
The next day, Saskia and I visited a much-hyped art exhibit in Aachen featuring portraits by Chuck Close. I thought the portraits were fascinating, but the exhibit had been over-hyped. We cooked fresh pasta for dinner. Yummy!
That night we went to the Dutch theater to see Pirates of the Caribbean 3. (Unlike the Germans, the Dutch show movies in English). Unfortunately, this movie really sucks. There were so many explosions I felt like I'd been in a two-hour car wreck, and so many ludicrous plot developments I completely gave up trying to understand who was on who's side or what they were fighting for. And since when are salty old pirates called "the brethren" and give patriotic speeches and sing soulful songs of unity?!?! Even Johnny Depp couldn't save this one. The only bonus was pretty-boy Orlando Bloom getting his heart cut out.
One reason for my strong dislike of this movie may be that it contributed to the first serious migraine headache I've had in over two years. It had been so long since my last one that I was beginning to wonder if I had exaggerated how painful they are. Unfortunately, I had the record exactly right. If you've never had one, try imagining rubbing shards of glass in your eyeballs while the US Navy tests jet engines inside your skull and an irritatingly cheerful gnome sings high-pitched ditties while he cuts your toe-webbing with paper. It's hell. My feet were freezing, my head was frying, and I vomited if I tried to stand up. I dreamed someone was chainsawing my ear, woke up, and found that a fly had been circling my head. If you think I'm exaggerating, then try this: I once ran three miles with a torn kneecap ligament before I realized what was up. If I say it hurts, believe me, it hurts.
Saskia, angelic as ever, drove me back to Juelich and made sure I got to my apartment OK. A hefty overdose of Ibuprofen later, I passed out for six hours and was weak as water till this morning. 24 hours later, I still feel worse than after most day-flus. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be back on my feet!
The next day, Saskia and I visited a much-hyped art exhibit in Aachen featuring portraits by Chuck Close. I thought the portraits were fascinating, but the exhibit had been over-hyped. We cooked fresh pasta for dinner. Yummy!
That night we went to the Dutch theater to see Pirates of the Caribbean 3. (Unlike the Germans, the Dutch show movies in English). Unfortunately, this movie really sucks. There were so many explosions I felt like I'd been in a two-hour car wreck, and so many ludicrous plot developments I completely gave up trying to understand who was on who's side or what they were fighting for. And since when are salty old pirates called "the brethren" and give patriotic speeches and sing soulful songs of unity?!?! Even Johnny Depp couldn't save this one. The only bonus was pretty-boy Orlando Bloom getting his heart cut out.
One reason for my strong dislike of this movie may be that it contributed to the first serious migraine headache I've had in over two years. It had been so long since my last one that I was beginning to wonder if I had exaggerated how painful they are. Unfortunately, I had the record exactly right. If you've never had one, try imagining rubbing shards of glass in your eyeballs while the US Navy tests jet engines inside your skull and an irritatingly cheerful gnome sings high-pitched ditties while he cuts your toe-webbing with paper. It's hell. My feet were freezing, my head was frying, and I vomited if I tried to stand up. I dreamed someone was chainsawing my ear, woke up, and found that a fly had been circling my head. If you think I'm exaggerating, then try this: I once ran three miles with a torn kneecap ligament before I realized what was up. If I say it hurts, believe me, it hurts.
Saskia, angelic as ever, drove me back to Juelich and made sure I got to my apartment OK. A hefty overdose of Ibuprofen later, I passed out for six hours and was weak as water till this morning. 24 hours later, I still feel worse than after most day-flus. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be back on my feet!
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